everything's made to be broken

Fucking hell. This is a test, this is a fucking test sent by some omnipresent being to see if I have the balls to deal with seeing Zach, to see if I'll break down like a big great girl. Probably sent from the same, sick-humored omnipresent being that thought it'd be a riot to send me wet dreams last night.

This fucking sucks.

I just wish we could go back to Christmas and forget the New Year ever happened.

Not to mention, the defense wants to call me back for more questioning at the trial this week. Cause I really can't wait for the Carrows lawyers to have a go at me and try to justify their clients actions.

What a fucking circus.

AND DAMNIT. I've been swearing way too much since Christmas. I never fucking swear.

Z New Year's traditions and sayings are all lies. You can all shove them.

I might be a little biased.

Day shift, day shift. I have a day shift! No more night, no more sleeping the day away!

I even get Tuesdays off so Barney, I can still come by the farm on Tuesdays and weekends. We're going to have to talk about your spring crops soon. It's still a bit off, but it's always good to have it planned out in advance. I'm pretty excited about it and was meaning to ask you if I could rent a small area from you, to grow some personal things? I just don't have any good outdoor land to try a few experiments on, some cross-pollinations, really. Let me know, I mean, it's cool if not, I'm sure I could find some place. I'd use the garden on the roof, but Gobbelty has got it slam full. I don't think we have an extra cubic inch of dirt left inthe place.

Anyway, so yeah, I might be happy, and I might have had an extra half-pot of coffee trying to get ready for being awake all day. I feel like I suddenly have some free time or something, even though I'll be working 7-5 in the greenhouse everyday.

I am also

Apparently, there is a carnivorous cabbage in South America, which I find pretty amusing... works like a spider's web really, lures lizards into the shade and cool of it's leaves and then slowly shuts it inside and absorbs it. Sure, it only eats lizards, but it's a step up from a venus flytrap, and it's only a matter of time before plants start eating mice, then kittens, then small dogs and children, and then full grown men. Only a matter of time.

I have also reevaluated my theories on the mistletoe population after some recent research. There were some that believed it only good for awkward moments at family get togethers with Great Aunt Squish-Your-Face. My own theories involved demonic fleets of shrubbery used for mass torture over the holidays, especially if charmed, but this seems to not bee the case. Just so you know.

Zach Anyone want to celebrate my new found free nights?

Okay, so, there comes a point when you've got to ask yourself just how much time you can spend in a greenhouse before it a) develops carnivorous traits and eats you or b) you go insane from redudancy. Don't' get me wrong, I bloody love my job I do not, however, like my work hours. Still, after tonight we are closed for a week -and the trial is adjourned for the hols. That, I am loking forwardto the most - just the time off.

Zach



Also, how long am I supposed to wait before saying anything? I do have things to say, you know - and I'm not just going to pretend I don't or you don't or that-

Just, how long?

If this is the famed Gryffindor bravery, it fucking sucks. I feel like a girl.

I'm going to jump off a cliff.

Does anybody know a good charms person? This has got to stop It hit me in the EYE.

Hermione, how's your dad? I know a tea grower in Australia who specializes in holistic medicine. I can send you her information if you'd be interested? I've seen and used some of her tea and remedies first hand. It has been helping Mum a bit.

Harry, Ron - you want to grab a pint later this week? I haven't seen you in ages.

Smith Zach. Tell me you guys are looking into who did this to Lavender's mistletoe. I believe some sort of action should be taken - and I wouldn't mind a bit of monetary compensation for my trauma.

Uh, the Carrows? Really? Don't you lot think it's a bit late to be getting round to this? I mean, they just, you know, TORTURED students - but waiting four years to bring about their trial? after everyone has already tried to move on? Yeah, that's just what we all need for the holidays. Fuck all of you. I've told you enough times that I hope they rot and that I don't want to fucking talk about it. Fucking hell.

what the hell possesed me to do that. bad idea. brain hurts. bad bad idea.
can any mates please remind me not to ever get that pissed again.
also, go harpies! i actually understoof your victory.
heck, piss, dangit. i have to go to work now.
i'm so hungry.
i'm writing this all weird.
BAH!

charmed to smith zach was that pissed enough for you?

I've never been more glad that a project was over in my life. I got a break from my apprenticeship this week and I have been sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. It's been brilliant. I feel rested and ready to start the next thing Gobbelty has planned for us. He briefly explained it to me, but it should be great. Just what I need really.

Smith, what the fuck? Thanks for the plant. I've never seen one like it and it's growing along nicely.
( Private to Smith )

Anyway, would anyone like to have dinner with me before I get back to the odd hours and lack of sleep? I'm feeling like curry.

Smith, Cormac - I hope you have a long life together full of lots of love. You deserve each other.

Dennis, they're really suited for each other so I think you should let them be.

( Private )

I'm tired, I haven't seen my family or friends in about three weeks and Mum's not doing any better and some people think that a stupid little plant is going to make up for unnecessary and cruel comments about things they don't know anything about then they are sorely mistaken even if I do want to know what it says. I've never received a message plant before.

Private: The hearing is on Monday. I will be testifying. I'm bloody fucking nervous. Smith is a bastard and I hope his lip still hurts. A plant? A fucking plant? I mean, he obviously knows enough about my parents to be a jerkoff about it - and if he knows that much, he thinks a bloody plant is going to make up for it? I mean, really??

Zacharias Smith being a prat aside I'm working on something important and I'm excited. That is all.

FUCK

Sorry.

At least right now it does. If I'm not at my apprenticeship, I'm at the Dunstan farm. I don't mind the latter - it's actually a hell of a lot more interesting and Barney's good fun. But I just feel like I'm stretched thin right now. But, back to the point - Tuesday afternoons and nights are some of my only free time these days and if I'm not watching flowers bloom or helping Barney, I'm sleeping. I don't ever want to sleep again. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Maybe I'll try to go out for a bit this weekend, go grab a pint at the Leaky and just relax. Any takers?

Meant to be Private, but Neville forgot to add a Privacy Hex. He does that. Her shaking is a long term effect of the Cruciatus. Obviously it damaged her never endings at the time, but now that she's older, the Healers say that they are just failing. She shakes because she has no control of her muscles. There was a Healer in the room while we visited and she kept reaching to wipe Mum's mouth, but I finally just told her to leave and I did it myself. Mum didn't need that.

I haven't heard from Mathers since, which is good. He was a twat and I hate dealing with people who are so self-absorbed. I can't believe I was ever liked someone like that. I was blind, obviously - or maybe he just changed. Maybe both. If I'm ever that selfish - if I ever treat my friends like that - I hope someone kills me. I'd deserve it.

I haven't really heard from Parvati since I ran into her in Notting Hill that day. I saw her arse at the Nogtail gala, but I don't think that constitutes as seeing her. Hell, I hope I haven't scared her off. I really didn't mean for any of that to happen, or to blurt it all out like that. Shit. She probably thinks I'm a nutter.

Harry's coming by tonight, which is good. I need a break and a familiar face. I miss the guys and late nights in the tower. Of course, I don't want to relive all the rubbish, but I wouldn't mind a night of exploding snap and biscuits from Molly Weasley.

I'm such a girl. Merlin.

Mathers left. I finally just bucked up and told him he was a selfish little prick and I didn't want to date him, kiss him or fool around with him. I think this mostly stemmed from the fact that he told me I was a closeted pussy who was never going to come out to my friends and was embarrassed to tell anyone about him. I told him that no, he was a shallow, selfish prick who's biggest concern was all the ways he could sepnd his father's inheritance - and that Daddy would quit funding his drinking if he knew his son was gay. I think he finally left because he was afraid I was going to tell Daddy, which is fine with me, as I would rather never see him again. The first flowers bloomed last night. It was excellent. They're bloody gorgeous in person.

Also, I'm tired, I miss my friends and I want some curry. Someone come visit me at work one night? Please??

ACE! I found some knitting needles at this market in Chelsea. I decided, because I was actually awake today, to walk around Muggle London. I even took a cab. Anyway, I bought the needles because I have a lot of free time sitting and waiting for plants to bloom, and though it's a great time for reading, it's kinda dull. (I'm pretty sure Gobbelty is just giving me mundane work to see if I'll crack. Pity for him that I enjoy what I do.) But I figured that since it's something I already know how to do, it's not going to stress me out trying to learn.

Also, Harry:

( spello-taped in )

I've been meaning to go up to Dublin to find that record store, but I just haven't had the time during the day. It's been mostly alloted for sleep since my apprenticeship schedule is "10 hour shifts, ending at 6am, on Saturdays, Mondays, Fridays, Wednesdays, Sundays and Thursdays." I swear that is exactly how he wrote it out for me. Seriously. I mean, I like the man. He's bloody brilliant, but he's straaaaange.

Other than that, there isn't much going on. I have to clean my flat. I also have an ex boyfriend who thinks because I let him stay the night we are back to normal?? We only snogged. Hell. I wish I could get some advice. I wish someone could tell me what to do! Stop rambling, Nev.

My name is Neville Longbottom and today I started my internship. I did not trip. I did not die. I am alive.







I ran into Mathers at The Leaky. He's asleep in my bed. I am not sure what this means.

My apprenticeship starts really soon. I'm not worried and that worries me. I'm oddly calm. I haven't been drinking and I should be worried. It's been an odd two weeks since I wrote last and I should be more nervous than this. I haven't tripped in a month, I haven't forgotten anything in a week (to my knowledge) and I got my roof fixed! It's been an odd week in that it's been really excellent. Blah blah, I know you lot will tell me to stop worrying, but seriously, this is strange and weird to me.

In other news, I am going to the benefit this weekend. I got a really nice dress tie in the appropriate color because 1) it's a free party for me as 2) Gran bought my ticket and is sending me along with a donation. 3) It's free food and 4) it's a party - and honestly I go to so few parties that I will wear pink if it means I get to attend a free party with food. It's really not that bad of a color. I wouldn't wear it everday, but it's not baby vomit green. That would be bad.

I got the last of my paperwork turned in today, some insurance forms claiming that Master Gobbelty is in no way responsible for my person if, for some reason, I say, hypothetically destroy a green house. It hasn't happened yet, but they did look at my my OWLs and NEWTs before accepting me, and I can't imagine Snape had anything kind to say in his evaluation of my performance in any of his classes. I'm sure every melted cauldron is listed in my records, in detail.

Other than worrying myself sick about getting the paperwork turned in, everything else is fine. I ran into a friend of my gran's in Diagon Alley and I don't feel ashamed in saying that I rather enjoyed the look on his face as I told him about my apprenticeship. I'm pretty sure he was on the Squib wagon when I was a kid, and I know it's childish, but I felt great telling him that I got accepted to an apprenticeship with Purcell Gobbelty. I don't know how I did it, sometimes, but I did and I'm glad and I'm glad to tell other people I did it. It's not often that I get to brag, and I suppose that's really selfish of me, but hell, it feels good to be a little proud of yourself sometimes.

Anyway, only thirteen days left until my apprent- fuck! Thirteen days? Oh, hell. That's not a good sign, is it? If you don't hear from me tomorrow, make sure I'm not dead in my flat. Hell. Where is Parvati, or Lavender? I need someone to tell me I'm not going to trip down a flight of stairs tomorrow, break my legs and have to forgo my apprenticeship. Hell.



and who starts and apprenticeship on a Sunday??

( i handle my charm with time and slight of hand. )